The importance of accepting my child's diagnosis.
From the moment we find out that The arrival of a life into the world is approaching, a series of meanings, concerns, decisions but above all EXPECTATIONS begin.
Parents, family and the world in general have searched for different reasons, be it necessity, approval, organization, in short, an urgent need to pigeonhole ourselves, as an example: boys wear blue and girls wear pink, although little by little these stereotypes have been distorted, the world can't wait and continues to create more and more of them.
With this above, I enter the exact moment in which that caregiver, whether a mother, father and/or relative, leaves some office with a medical history that indicates either what he already suspected and did not want to accept or what unfortunately takes him by surprise: A clinical diagnosis that indicates disability.
In both contexts, it is neither less nor more painful, it ends up being like what I heard before from a mother I once cared for: “You feel like a stab in the heart.” Maybe she described it with those words and some parents could relate or maybe others wouldn't. But what is true is that a clinical diagnosis that indicates disability for a father, mother and/or caregiver is a painful experience that destabilizes those expectations that are initially discussed in this writing.
According to Castro, A. (2010) "the family is the first socializing agent because it mediates social influence on the personality of its members, especially their children. The function of social reproduction that it performs consists of forming in its offspring the qualities of a personality, to which society aspires."
The earlier the child is accepted as he is, the greater the understanding and help he will need to achieve that personality, which has honesty and work among its principles. Knowing the above, the acceptance of the diagnosis by the family towards the child is as important as starting the rehabilitation process, and the objective reality is that the longer the process of acceptance of the diagnosis by the family is delayed, the less support the child will receive from the family, and, therefore, his/her development as a person and his/her integration into society will be greatly hindered.
This is why this article aims to highlight the importance of early acceptance of the diagnosis by the family and also clinical strategies to manage grief in the face of disability. Throughout life, a social construction has been generated around grief, referring to the fact that human beings only experience grief when a loved one dies and to their surprise, on a day-to-day basis everyone experiences small grief: Not being able to get to work early, wanting to eat something and not being able to do so, not having the time to get to some desired place, wanting to buy an appliance and not being able to do so, and much more could be named. That is, human beings constantly find that life cannot meet their expectations all the time.
Likewise, when the father, mother and/or caregiver faces this diagnosis, they experience grief around those expectations they have for their son or daughter, understanding grief as defined by Elisabeth Kubler Ross.
''Grief is the natural reaction to loss.'' That caregiver feels that they have lost: They have lost that version of their son or daughter that they had within their expectations due to a clinical diagnosis and validating that feeling is important so that each father, mother or relative can begin a new construction of the version of their son or daughter and thus be able to be a fundamental part of their rehabilitation.
Grieving a diagnosis is not a linear process; psychology cannot speak of a specific time; in fact, there are parents who grieve and at the same time begin to help their children with their closest support network. However, it is important to go through that moment in your life to be able to help your child promptly. It has been shown that parents who have unresolved grief regarding their child's disability hinder the progress that their child can make in areas of life. No one should tell you how you should go through your grief, but there are professionals, family members, and a support network nearby who can accompany you to make this process easier.
Finally, it is difficult to be able to independently recognize when you have unresolved grief in the face of disability, which is why I share with you the following alarm signs so that you can do a self-analysis and a recognition process to seek help in case you have these symptoms:
Focus more on what my son or daughter CANNOT do and get frustrated about it.
Ignore/deny professional recommendations and medication because you consider that you do NOT need it.
Intense sadness and emotional pain, sometimes including bitterness or anger toward my son or daughter because of his or her disability.
Continue to deny your disability.
Think very often if you didn't have a disability what it would be like.
Remember: Don't love the child that your expectations wanted, love the child you have, just as he is.
BY DANNA MARRIAGA PARODI
PSYCHOLOGIST.
EST. OF CHILD NEUROPSYCHOLOGY.
REFERENCES
Corona, Z., Rodríguez, Y., & Licea, Y. (2021). Acceptance of the diagnosis by the family. A condition that the educator needs to achieve for the adequate social integration of children with disabilities. Contemporary dilemmas: education, politics and values, 8(2), 00025. Epub April 21, 2021.https://doi.org/10.46377/dilemas.v8i2.2535
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